Friday, May 24, 2013

The resurrection of the blog

Somehow over the past couple of years I seem to have misplaced a part, or pieces of myself. I hesitate to say lost as I don't think I've truly lost those pieces, I've just misplaced them. Tucked them away on a bookshelf and forgotten that they existed as I concentrated on doing what was right, what was expected, what I expected of myself. To get a job that I love, bring a little stability into my life, and try to be happy. Well I think I can honestly say that I've been successful in achieving all of those goals. Kind of. I have a job I love. I have a super stable existence. And I'm pretty happy, generally, most of the time, somewhat, sort of, kind of.....errrr....okay, I'll be honest. Something is missing. I'm lacking inspiration, passion, a spark. Wait. No. I definitely have spark. I'm lacking a flame that endures. Everything feels a little dull. Lackluster. Boring. God I hate that word.

So why am I so bored? You wouldn't know it from the outside looking in because I seemingly fill my life with adventures and non-stop action. You'd think buying plane tickets was a favorite pastime of mine! It is, but that's not the point. The point is that I rarely stop moving long enough to sit down and think about what is missing. Because when I do think about what's missing, it spins me down into the rabbit hole of self-doubt, insecurity and depression. And I know that the only way to fight off those horrible feelings is to find inspiration. Something to grab your hand and pull you through the mud when you're face down. Don't worry; I'm not face down in the mud right now. I'm sort of like knee deep but I know that if I don't dust off that bookshelf and look for the pieces of me that are hidden back there I'll be buying a ticket down the rabbit hole.

So here I am. Sitting. Thinking. Being still. Doing a little dusting. Seeking inspiration. Attempting to gather a bit of fodder for my spark. This stillness inevitably leads to a state of reflection. Looking back at where I've been to get a bearing on the direction I'm headed in. Funny enough, this desire to remember where I've been often leads me back to this blog. I first started blogging during a time when I was supremely happy, peaceful, and experienced moments of pure bliss on a daily basis. I want to reconnect with that person, that time period, and draw from the wisdom of experience. I want to be present in the moment, feel life in every breath, and be grateful for each second that passes me by. I yearn to be inspired yet again, to capture and enjoy all that is life. There are a few different reasons that I've decided to return to my blog and I'll likely touch on those in future blog posts but my true inspiration comes from my friend, Emily. You may remember her as The Butcher of Costa Rica (she's now the Sea Cucumber Queen of Saudi Arabia and you should follow her blog).

Emily's blog is inspiring to me. She blogs about the simplest of life's pleasures such as making banana pancakes, watering her plants, and Science on a Saturday as well as the grander of life's adventures and travels she's known to embark on. I admire her wise perspective that if you live life waiting for the next big adventure you'll miss out on all of the small magical moments that collectively make up an unforgettable existence. She's brilliant. She reminds me that sitting on a terrace, enjoying a coffee in the early morning whilst listening to birdsong and feeling a croissant melt on your tongue is pure magic. It is a moment that will last forever as long as you let it. Those experiences are gifts from the universe, or depending on your perspective maybe you'd consider it a gift from your local French bakery but regardless it doesn't matter. It was a gift and as long as you see your life as a journey where all you have to do is collect gifts, you're fucking stoked.

So here is my attempt to focus on what matters in life, enjoy the sweetest moments, let the sour one's pass me by, and be wise enough to accept and appreciate the gifts that are sent my way.


em said...

yo lady! Did you get my comment that I left her a day or so ago? I don't see it?

I just wanted to say thank you for the kind words :) I read your post while I was sitting in the lab watching PCR results blink across my computer screen. Needless to say, your post was much more inspiring. I wish you were here in the lab with me, though I am sure you are having a lot more fun somewhere else! Take care Bdog and I can't wait to continue reading about your ice cream cone life!!!

Brenda, B-Dizzle, Sweet B, B, I answer to them all said...

No! I didn't get the comment ;-( Awww PCR ;-) Love it. Maybe someday I need to fly to Saudi and visit you. I'd love love love to see your life in the Middle East! xo

em said...

If you can get a visa to Saudi, you should totally come!!!